there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
