Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
