I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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