the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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