Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
