She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
