Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
