Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
