i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
