Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
