I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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