I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize