She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
