I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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