this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
