I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
