If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sarcasm needs its own font
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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