Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
