I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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