and you said cock pushups were impossible
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
