my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
