Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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