yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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