I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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