if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
