I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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