can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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