If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
