there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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