Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
