If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
