watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
