I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
