That's intense
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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