:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
