1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
