just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
