dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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