I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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