I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
