I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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