In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
