i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish you could order shots online.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.