i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.