forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.