And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.