I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me