i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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