imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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