is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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