okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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