3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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