Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
