It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
