weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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