We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
