is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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