WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
