Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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