Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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