my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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