@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
