I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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