So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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