I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
