Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
