watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
