So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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