Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
