I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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