You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
kristin has been a bad kristin
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
