I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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