Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
