Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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