good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
