I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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