Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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