4 words: hood of his car
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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