she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
