we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
