Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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