I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
