Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
