its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
