Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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