he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
