also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
